There are so many injustices in this world and so many current events I could have chosen to write about for Sexual Assault Awareness Month. CBS attempting to reunite Rhianna and her aggressor for a feel-good TV special, maybe? The horrifying ways in which rape survivors continue to be vilified by the media, perhaps? The anti-choice billboard targeting African Americans on the South Side? That could work. But as I sifted through articles upon which I planned to comment, I struggled to put my thoughts onto paper. Though these issues have direct consequences for my body and the way others perceive their access to it, I was having difficulty coming up with reasons why one issue was more important to share with the blogosphere than another. So I decided to write about what I know. And right now, what I know is...online dating.
As one of the apparently thousands of Chicago single women who have gone home early on Friday nights after being drunkenly leaned upon by several ineligible bachelors, I have retreated to the online world to troll for dudes. When I tell people about my new dating strategy, one of the first questions I inevitably get asked, after “Are you that desperate?” is, “Is that safe?” Never before have “being safe” and “preventing my own sexual assault” been such salient topics of conversation at my dinner parties. For me, this has brought all of my intellectual conversations into the realm of my day-to-day experience. I’m a real, young, safe, feminist woman, and this is what is happening to me right now.
Is online dating safe? Is it any less safe than meeting a guy in the cat food aisle of the grocery store? Because I’ve done that before, too, and even serial rapists go to the grocery store at some point, I would imagine. At what point is it ok to give the guy my last name? Am I the worst sexual assault crisis counselor in the world because I allow my date to pick me up outside my building because I’m too lazy to take the el to a bus to a restaurant? Is it appropriate to say to your date, “Please don’t roofie my drink while I’m in the bathroom,” or is that just giving him ideas? You could see how complicated this can get. It has been difficult for me to balance my experience as an activist and educator with my experience as a girl who just wants to meet all the cute men Chicago has to offer. I have got to be careful, and ever vigilant.
I wish this vigilance were not necessary. I wish Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM) were more about celebrating our successes in the quest for enthusiastic, consensual sex and less about educating the public about a pervasive assault on the rights of women to control what happens to their bodies. I wish our movement could be more proactive than reactive, but unfortunately, I can’t raise all the sons in this world to be kind, respectful people who don’t see the need to use their sexuality as a weapon. As it is, I hope we will spend this SAAM, in addition to reflecting on our own experiences of sexual assault and tossing out statistics about date rape to those of us on OKCupid, having healthy, enjoyable sex and giving high-fives to little boys who give their crushes flowers and compliment their skills in subtraction instead of seeing them as sexual objects.
On the frontline,
Sarah Rogers
Rape Crisis Hotline Volunteer
1 comments:
So very true. Thanks, Sarah!
Post a Comment